'No Such Thing as a Baby'

On Friday I attended the first training day for people wanting to foster / adopt.
Once again I don't know what the end result will be in this journey but it's amazing how God continues to show me that He is in this and He will guide the journey. How do I know? Well when I arrived at the building in the middle of town one of my best friend's friends was there. I discovered that she worked there and I talked to her about why I was there. She helped me to find where I needed to go and I waited in the entrance with others waiting for the day to start. During this time I was surprised to see my neighbour join our group. We chatted about why we were both there and I found out that she was planning on fostering children short-term until they found a more permanent home. Then as the course was about to start a couple, who attended my previous church and who had been at the same information evening as me, came in. Now this may all seem like coincidence and you may be asking 'what does that have to do with God being part of this journey?'
Well God knows me very well. Two years ago I told God that I was okay with being single for the rest of my life as long as He bought people in my life to love and to love me. God was showing me that I'm not on this journey alone. He will provide the support that I need to walk this journey, and He will call me to be a support to others.

I learnt a lot on our first day. We discussed different types of attachment and behaviours that relate to each attachment style. I found it very interesting and convicting to relate the attachment behaviours to the children that we worked with in Uganda. Interesting, because I could see why particular children acted how they did, especially David and Faith. Convicting, because I was left wondering whether becoming part of their life for such a short time was making us part of the problem rather than the solution. Our intentions were good, but what impact did our departure have on lives that already had attachment issues?

We also discussed the birth family and their vital role in the child's life.
'There is no such thing as a baby' was a quote that we looked at that day. I was lucky enough to have started reading 'The Primal Wound', a book on a wound that adopted children have from separation from their birth families, in particular their mother. What this statement means is that the child and mother have been one for 9 months and have formed a bond. When the child is born they don't now see themselves as an individual. They still believe they are one with their mother. They know her voice, smell, heart beat and very quickly recognise her face. When this is taken off them straight after birth, or before they have a chance to establish themselves as separate from their mother, it creates a wound that they carry throughout life. Part of who they are has been taken. Everything they have every known now no longer exists.

It's been a full-on day of information and insight and now I have many readings to study and researchers to google for more understanding. I'm looking forward to increasing my knowledge in this area, it may even be something that I study later on for a masters. For now, I learn it for my girls and hope that I can put into practice these new understandings, with God's help.


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