A Beloved's Journey

It's time to celebrate! I have officially lost 10kg and am almost at the point of being the lightest I have been since the age of 10! (Yes you read the right... 10. That is 23 years.) I have always been a large person. I remember being shockingly embarrassed at 4 years old when I had to have my school uniform specially made for me as I was too large to fit anything in the shop. Throughout my primary and high school years I was constantly teased and ridiculed for my weight. Names like 'Mr Blobby's Wife' and 'Burly Shirley' were called out as I walked past. Even at youth group my 'friends' would call me 'Titanic'. I would often feel unacceptable and unwanted. As I was often larger than my taunters and had a temper (we will blame that on the slightly ginger tinge to my hair) I would get angry and sometimes physically harm them. I don't know why I never got in trouble for this. I suppose they too knew they were guilty. Fast forward into my ...

Have you ever climbed a hill waiting to see the beautiful view just around the corner to see that there is a large boulder or tree blocking the way? Or it's not around that corner but maybe it's around the next one, or the next one? Today's blog is a hard one to write. It's a story of road blocks, unachieved goals and tears. There's a boulder obstructing the view. How do you write about emotions that are hard to feel, little own understand? My mind tumbles through my thoughts like a dryer turning through clothes. See although the home study interview went well and my social worker is lovely, we have officially arrived at the boulder... MONEY I found out over a week ago, in my first interview with the social worker, that next Thursday I need to have evidence that I can afford to adopt. I need evidence that I have access to $50,000. And. I. Don't. This $50,000 will cover the cost of flights, accommodation, legal fees, translation costs and taking a year...

Many people have been asking me about the process I have to go through for adoption. First I had to attend an information evening. This was to learn about all the different ways you could assist children in need in your home ranging from emergency fostering to home for life or adoption. At the end of this evening we were given packs to fill out to start the process. This was a bit scary for me. It felt like the next step was to just jump right in there. I didn't fill my pack out for awhile as I researched more about the process. Once my forms were filled out and sent away I was invited to attend a training day. This was one of three training days that I had to attend. The first two focused on attachment disorders; the role of the child, birth parent and adoptive parent in adoption or fostering and your life and how this may effect your decision and ability in fostering or adopting. The last training day, which I will attend next week, is focused solely on international adoption...

As more people learn of my plans to adopt from India I find myself being asked regularly how things are going. I don't mind this question at all, in fact I'm delighted that people are interested and supportive of what I am doing. It's just that, at the moment, I'm waiting and when I tell people I am waiting they express their sympathy to me and how hard this must be. But it's not. See, for over a decade I have waited. In my late teens I was set on getting married. I just needed to find someone who would help me secure my 'happily ever after'. And so I searched, and I waited, and I cried out in agony in my loneliness, and at the length of the wait. "Why so long God?" I compared myself to all my other friends who one by one were walking down the aisle while I was wondering when it was my turn. I look back on this time and sigh. What I have learnt is that God is working in our waiting. It is in this time that he teaches, instructs and directs us,...

For weeks I have been looking forward to Athletics Day at school. My five and six year olds have been practicing their sack races and egg and spoon races every afternoon. I couldn't wait to see their excited faces bouncing towards me on the day. When we first started sack races the children were apprehensive about the idea with some children even telling me that they wouldn't be doing it (isn't it amazing how fear of failure binds us from such a young age). We had a chat about resilience and giving it a go, and on that first practice every child had a large grin on their face as they bounced towards me in their bright green sacks. So today was the day I had waited for in expectation for weeks.. and I spent it lying in bed with laryngitis.  I was guttered. They had worked so hard. I had been looking forward to this day and I was confined to bed. This is often the case for our expectations. Reality is often quite different. Our expectations are often what bring us down. Rel...

The pops rang out among the audience, bodies dropped to the ground, people screamed, and I sat in my living room watching it on TV, trying to understand why and how and who. Like you, I couldn't comprehend how somebody could get to the mental state where killing dozens of strangers was okay. I automatically wanted to blame it on ISIS, surely only they would do something like this, and if not them, then who? The biggest question was WHY? Why would somebody pre-plan an attack like this? Why would this happen in our world? And then, as I was praying for the victims and the families of the deceased, as I was calling out to God for answers, as I'm sure many of you did too, I was once again struck by the truth that our world is broken. Shattered beyond repair, unfixable. We walk with a limp. Many things have happened in the past year, here in New Zealand, while I was in Uganda and all around the world on the news, that continue to shock me and when I cry out to God in agony and dis...

On Friday I attended the first training day for people wanting to foster / adopt. Once again I don't know what the end result will be in this journey but it's amazing how God continues to show me that He is in this and He will guide the journey. How do I know? Well when I arrived at the building in the middle of town one of my best friend's friends was there. I discovered that she worked there and I talked to her about why I was there. She helped me to find where I needed to go and I waited in the entrance with others waiting for the day to start. During this time I was surprised to see my neighbour join our group. We chatted about why we were both there and I found out that she was planning on fostering children short-term until they found a more permanent home. Then as the course was about to start a couple, who attended my previous church and who had been at the same information evening as me, came in. Now this may all seem like coincidence and you may be asking 'wh...